I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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