I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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