I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
