At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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