I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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