just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Welp...herpes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
