dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
