So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have already put on my inside pants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize