i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
