lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
