hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can u get pink eye on your cock?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
