I bet he comes in French.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
