Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
