Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
