I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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