After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
