when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
