Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think your dad took our porno
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
