I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
