brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
