pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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