Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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