if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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