I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize