Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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