out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
