There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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