I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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