When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
