final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
