he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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