Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
