So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
