I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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