OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he wants to bone in the snuggie
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize