evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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