That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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