Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
