oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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