Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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