he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
