I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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