i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
