Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
vagina is talking i cant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
