Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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