Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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