Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
