So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
