Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
