Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
