if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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