No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
