Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
