I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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