Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
