So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
