please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
