I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
