Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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