dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We need to rekindle our bromance
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
