so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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