I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
