I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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