Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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