Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
