can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Blow job season was short but glorious.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
