How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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