i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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