I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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