He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
